Talk

My dear sweet love,

I know I've been focusing on the physical a lot lately. What can I say, you drive me absolutely crazy. My body desires your body more than anybody I have ever, ever encountered. I like to say you make me feel like a teen again, but in truth sometimes I'm pretty sure even teenaged me would be taken aback by just how very much I crave your touch… How very easy you have it, when it comes to turning me on…

But I've been doing this for long enough, know my cycles well enough to know, August is a time for refocusing and rebalancing… just as you said. I'll spare you the sordid details, but soon now I'll be able to bring that wildfire back down under control. Tame it.

It'll still be burning. It is always burning.

But it'll be contained.

For a while.

Part of me is relieved. Don't get me wrong, writing about you and sex has become one of my favorite pastimes. But I always get very self-conscious about it. I never know how you would feel about these letters if you did come across this little archive.

And I don't have any way at all to know what your preferences are, or how interested you even are. It's not like we can talk about it, not like I can ask you whether you'd enjoy having my lips on your neck, or nuzzling on your ear… I can't ask you if you enjoy having your body appreciated by my eyes. I can't ask you if you'd appreciate that I'm far more interested in giving than receiving… That my mouth is my preferred tool to explore you, to explore every single last inch of you. For that matter, I don't have any way to know if any parts of you would be off-limits, or if there are any parts you'd be shy to share with me.

I can't know these things, I can't ask them of you. So I get self-conscious.

(…but just imagine the letters I might write if I did know… the goal, always, is to turn you on… me? I'm always turned on… sorry, that's just me…)

Of course, it turns out I get self-conscious about opening up to you, too. Go figure. But that, at least… I want to open up to you. I want to be vulnerable. It's just one thing to want it and another thing to do it. And I guess maybe this is practice, because it's not like I'm actually being vulnerable to you when I write these letters, not yet anyways.

Anyways. All of this is to say that I am kind of looking forward to getting back to focusing on my love for you. And, sure, that love does include my love of your body, but… Despite the mood I get into sometimes, it's truly not just physical, or even mostly physical.

Right now, even as I'm still writing nonsense like that paragraph up above, the thing I desire most, the thing I spend most of my time daydreaming about, the thing that kept me up all last night…

Is to get to talk to you. To connect. To feel our hearts and souls continue to intertwine, even as we carefully keep our bodies apart. Your heart is a shining beacon in my life, and I just want to be close to it. Feel its warmth in your voice.

I want to praise you for your accomplishments. Tell you how proud I am of you for the things you're doing. Let you tell me about any plans you might have, so that I can better support you.

I want to find out what else you geek out about. Don't be shy. Our nerdiness doesn't have to overlap that much, I just love — have always loved — that you are a fellow nerd… And besides, I'm always looking to expand my own horizons…

I want to know your history, your origin story. I've been getting some of it, which I appreciate so, so much. And I know some of it may have to wait until we are very close, and that's fine and understandable. But whatever you're comfortable sharing, I want to know. I eventually want to know everything about you. Everything.

I want to know how you spend what little free time you have… and no, not like Bubble Bath… Or… Well… I mean… That, too, but… Um. I mean most evenings, lol. What do you do on a long, dark, cold winter night? How much time do you spend by that pool of yours during the summer? Just… What do you do? What are you doing? What are you doing right now? I'm desperate to know, desperate to hear about it… I want your narrative, I want to be in your narrative, I want to be a part of it.

sigh

I just want you in my life.

All. The. Time.

I know you're right there, but I miss you… Gosh, do I miss you…

sigh

I love you.

Yours,
♒️